I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
