Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
