My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
