hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
