Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
