were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
