Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
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