I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
