is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
