am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
