I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
In America we eat man semen.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
