Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
