wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
