sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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