i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Damn victory sex feels great
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
