sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
