Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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