I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
