Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
