new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize