Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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