What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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