I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
