I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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