How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
