Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
