Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
