I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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