YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
