You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
