these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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