he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Who died my cat blue again?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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