Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Found the puke drawer
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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