Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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