Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
