Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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