there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
