I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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