what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
