I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
