I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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