I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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