I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
