battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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