And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
