I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
