Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
