Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
