Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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