I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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