cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My ATM looks so different sober.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
