you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
