Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
