Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
