His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
