Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
