so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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