Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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