i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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