If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm at about main and main street
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
