I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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