still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
