i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
