I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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