hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
