I think I just saw someone hide a body.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's never too late to be topless.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
