genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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