My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
