If i come over, it means nothing
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize