I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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