I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
