the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
