This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
