did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
