I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
