remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
BRING THE BAGELS
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
