I seem to have left my pride at pride
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
