dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
