I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
