I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
