We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I am mentally ready for anal.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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