Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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