Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
