So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
