ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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