so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
