When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
