were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
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