dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
