last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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