I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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