omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Randomize
