I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
