I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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