I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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