Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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