Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
