i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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