Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
