she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
