I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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