I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize