hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
