now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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