So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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