No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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