he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
why is half of my head shaved?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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