i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
