she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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