I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
