Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i want to swaddle you in tequila
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
