I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
